Dry Rubbed BBQ Pork Biscuit Burger w/ Bacon, Fried Jalapenos, and Pork Rinds

Think of this as the edible equivalent of Deflategate–excessive, depraved, and totally irresistible.

Also because I’m unapologetically loving every freaking second of it.

Dry Rubbed Barbecue Pork Biscuit Burger | The Not So Desperate Housewife

I mean, I really have no dog in this fight since my beloved Ravens are off on winter break—although I really hope there is a parallel universe somewhere in which I am married to Richard Sherman—but I’ll be damned if I don’t love a good scandal.

What would this be otherwise? Another Superbowl where either a) the Patriots show up and win just like everyone thinks they will because they’re really good, or b) the Seahawks win because they won last year and have also been consistently awesome for the past decade. I mean, seriously…snooze. Just feed me a platter of potato skins, show me a few Bud Lite commercials, and I’m off to bed at 8.

Dry Rubbed BBQ Pork Biscuit Burger - The Not So Desperate Housewife

But now we’ve got the week leading up to the big game full of lame scientific explanations for what was clearly a deliberate deflating of footballs post-inspection and awkward attempts by Tom Brady to distract the audience with a bodacious hat.

Who cares that they totally shut out the Colts? They *~probably~* cheated, and cheating is bad. Even if they would have won anyway, it’s the intent that matters—if you feel the need to play dirty to get what you want, you have no place in America’s Game.

Dry Rubbed BBQ Pork Biscuit Burger || The Not So Desperate Housewife

And on the flip side…what if they were set up? That may almost be more believable, since the Pats are kind of the team that everyone outside of New England loves to hate so much. In which case they should be able to move on and prove that they do, indeed, hold the moral high ground. Although I can’t really see the benefit of setting up a team with a winning advantage and then letting them win. But, you know, I’m just an observer.

Either way, I’ll be watching the game this Sunday with a whole new level of anticipation–because, at some basal level, I kinda believe that somehow, midgame, the truth will be revealed and the universe will implode.

At least at end of the world as we know it, I’ll be chowing down on pork rinds shoved into a loaded pork burger on a biscuit. Life is complete.

Dry Rubbed BBQ Pork Biscuit Burger

Prep Time: 15 minutes

Cook Time: 15 minutes

Total Time: 28 minutes

Yield: 4 burgers

Smoky dry rubbed pork burgers on a buttermilk biscuit topped with bacon, fried jalapenos, and pork rinds.


  • 1 lb ground pork
  • 1 t chili powder
  • 1 t cumin
  • 1 t smoked paprika
  • 1 t garlic
  • 1 t onion powder
  • 1 t black pepper
  • 1 t salt
  • pinch cayenne
  • 1 recipe Sugar Free BBQ Sauce
  • 4-6 slices of bacon
  • 2 or 3 fresh jalapenos, sliced
  • 4 buttermilk biscuits
  • pork rinds, lettuce, tomato, mayo, and any other toppings you'd


  1. Mix the chili powder, cumin, paprika, garlic, onion powder, pepper, and salt together.
  2. Make 4 patties with the ground pork and coat on all sides with the dry rub. Allow to rest at room temperature for 15 minutes.
  3. Grill or pan fry for about 4 minutes per side for medium (more or less depending on the degree of doneness you'd like).
  4. Fry up your bacon and let drain on paper towels.
  5. Use the bacon drippings to fry the jalapenos until they are a little crispy around the edges.
  6. To assemble the burgers, spread some BBQ sauce on one half of a biscuit. Place a burger on top and pile high with mayo, bacon, jalapenos, pork rinds, and whatever else your little heart desires.

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